Portland, Oregon Part 2: fine dining at Clyde and Commons

Captain's Log
Earth Date: 2014 July 10th

Portland is an interesting place pounding with quirkiness, hipsterness and an aesthetically pleasing downtown area. One of the coolest things to see is Powell's Books, a book store that takes up an entire city block and has rooms that are color coded depending on genre of  books inside.

After spending 2 hours looking and reading books with Zach and Damien, we decided that we needed to find an interesting place to eat dinner. I consulted Yelp and decided on a place that just happened to be around the corner and had good reviews and only 2 $$.

Being rather proud of this find, I  confidently announced to Damien and Zach that I had found a cool place and they were agreeable. After some difficulty with Siri's navigation directions we were able to find Clyde and Commons and I put in our name with the hostess after arriving and requested that our table be outside since the noise level was less than ambient inside the restaurant.

 We did not check out the menu before we agreed to eat there. Not long after being seated, we discovered this had been a huge mistake.

We carefully examined the menu. Zach asks, "What are these numbers next to the food items?" (they did not have dollar signs, just naked hipster numbers so that you know you are in Portland). Damien explained that they were the prices and with eyes widened and schemes to run away a-brew, we eventually decided (by my insisting due to a fear of public humiliation and shame), to have drinks and appetizers. However, there was still the problem of not understanding more than half of the words on the menu...
I asked our waiter what "foie Gras" was and he told me it was goose liver. Unable to hide my disgust and trying to stifle a laugh, the waiter then informed me that it was a delicacy. My response was to order another item: the broccoli soup (served cold).  From then on the waiter dismissed us as having no culture or refined tastes. Looking down on us as he then asks, "So are you guys gonna have an entree, or just appetizers this evening?" I coolly reply that we had eaten quite a lot that day already and were really just here because we heard good things about this restaurant. With stomachs grumbling from hunger, since we in fact had not eaten in quite a while, we ordered our appetizers and devoured our table bread, which we recognized as ficcocia with a balsamic and vinegar dip (quite ordinary I assure you). We decided that instead of feeling upset about the money and and jugdy waiter, that we would just soak up this experience and drink our drinks with our pinkies up and carry on our conversation in nasally, yacht-club-esk voices unless, of course, our waiter came around the corner with those disapproving glances of his.
Here is a link to a youtube video of Zachary using his yacht club voice: (caution hilarity ensues)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrhW9uWFjfU&feature=youtu.be

We made friends with the three ladies who were sitting outside next to us, who had to endure not only cheesy pick up lines from judgy-waiter, but also an onslaught of monologue about the locally crafted cheeses and wines. They clearly were giving him the ol' smile and nod and seemed to pick a wine more or less at random. After the waiter had removed himself from our presence, we had a nice chuckle with the ladies and they took our picture and said we looked cool.

 

Our food was okay. Zach's food was something like hand made sausages and un-breaded calamari. I had the broccoli with dollop of sour cream, no doubt locally made. And Damien opted for the "Simple Green Salad" which really was simple: butter lettuce tossed with a light balsamic vinaigrette dressing (and no, there was nothing else in the salad at all. No veggies, no fruits, no meats, no meat imitations, no nothing). The price for the simple salad? $8.
Well, we certainly entertained ourselves, laughing uproariously art each other and this was what made the meal here worth it. At the end (yes, this dream boat of a dining experience did come to an end) Damien requested that he be in charge of leaving the tip and I agreed as long as A. He did not tell  me what he tipped and, B. He did not leave $0.
I will tell you the bill and you try to figure out the final bill, with the cheeky tip that Damien  left.
The total before the tip: $49.50
Can you guess what the bill was after Damien tipped?

Panda, Out!